We Speak Up: Darren O’Brien MBE
Photography: Claudia Janke
Meet Darren O’Brien MBE, a White Ribbon UK Ambassador and London Ticketing Manager at Rail Delivery Group, committed to speaking up and taking action to help end violence against women and girls. We spoke to Darren about his motivations for becoming an Ambassador, his experience setting up the Rail to Refuge Scheme and why it matters for men to reflect on their own behaviours and language to be positive allies.
What motivates you to be a White Ribbon Ambassador?
After establishing the Rail to Refuge scheme, I met a woman who used the scheme and her story moved me to tears. Her remarkable journey continued at the refuge where she took up a trustee role, helped rebuild the lives of other domestic abuse survivors, and she inspired me to take on the White Ribbon Ambassador role as a Board Trustee for Women in Rail where I am committed to creating a fairer and more equitable society for women and girls. I have also been fortunate to be a White Ribbon Ambassador at Rail Delivery Group and work with like minded people to deliver cultural change by challenging harmful beliefs around masculinity which aligns with White Ribbon’s values.
Do you have a personal story or experience you’d like to share?
Domestic abuse and violence has always been something that I’ve felt very strongly about. Personal experiences mould and shape who you become as a person. Growing up, I was always aware of people who were victims of domestic abuse and violence. I’ve seen the devastation this has caused to their families - the pain, suffering, fear, embarrassment, shame.
As a young boy, I was taught not to intervene. I was told it’s just “a domestic”, it’s only “banter”. So I turned a blind eye and my inaction signalled to others that I condoned this unacceptable behaviour that was taking place around me. I knew that this was wrong, but the abusive behaviour was normalised, so I felt powerless and didn’t think I could make a difference.
I am older and wiser now and, unlike when I was a young man and felt powerless to help, I know there is always action I can take to support others. This is evident through founding the Rail to Refuge scheme which has enabled over 10,000 domestic abuse survivors to get to a place of safety. What I have learnt is, nothing changes unless we take action and it is these actions that can make a difference to those around us.
What message would you give to other men, to encourage them to be allies to women and girls?
Not all men are violent, but the evidence shows us the majority of violence towards women and girls is carried out by men. We can change this narrative by being positive role models and allies, that is reflecting on our behaviours, actions and language we use as well as having the confidence to call out and challenge behaviours that are harmful to women and girls. It's about showing up, being supportive and respectful to others. What we do in life impacts others and everyday and we have the opportunity to make these interactions positive ones, so be kind and respectful to others, and remember, the power of compassion is the gift we can give to each other.