allyship

Simply not being violent is not enough.  All men can make a difference and stop violence against women before it starts.

Men can help each other change and promote gender equality and respect. You can become a better ally by making and living by the White Ribbon Promise to never use, excuse or remain silent about men’s violence against women.

We know that most men want violence and abuse to stop but don’t always feel confident to speak up, or know how to challenge someone when they are acting in a sexist, harassing or violent way. It’s important that we listen to and believe women when they say they feel unsafe.

You could also talk to your local pub, sports club, workplace, gym or place of worship to support White Ribbon and encourage men to become allies. To help you with your journey to becoming an ally download our helpful resources.

You can talk to your workplace, pub, sports club, gym or place of worship about supporting White Ribbon and encourage all men to become allies.

What is harassment against women and sexism?

All the things in the list below are harassing behaviours which cause distress and create a culture of fear that is harmful; this can lead to extreme violence. They prevent women from living the lives that they want to lead on a day-to-day basis. This needs to stop.

•Touching someone when they don't want you to

•Making unwanted sexual comments or gestures

•Using sexualising or patronising language, like calling women you don't know things like 'love', 'babe', 'sweetheart'

•Following someone

•Making unwanted contact on social media, texting or calling

•Watching or spying on someone

•Taking pictures without someone knowing, including upskirting

•Comments that imply there's something lesser than or weak about women or femininity

Some ways you can SHOW ALLYSHIP

• In your workplace, speak to your HR department about adopting policies which relate to gender equality and safety of women. This could include a specific domestic abuse policy that supports employees.

• Advocate for your female colleagues at work, speak up about their achievements and representation in boards and groups. Challenge the ‘likeability penalty’, this term helps reflect how women in the workplace are penalised when exhibiting qualities usually attributed to male colleagues. For example, women displaying leadership qualities can often be called ‘bossy’, instead of recognising the skill.

• Speak up! Challenge gender stereotypes and inequality if you encounter them at work. It may be helpful to discuss with your manager, HR department or Trade Union.

• Call out inappropriate language and behaviours used by others.

• One way you can influence this is by using and promoting language that is gender neutral yourself.

• Respect personal space, keep at a respectable distance. Cross the street to avoid walking behind a woman. The same goes for running or jogging, especially at night.

• Don’t strike up conversations with women where they may feel threatened or isolated, like an empty or very full train carriage or bus. If a woman strikes up a conversation, fine, otherwise leave her alone.

• If you’re wanting to strike up a conversation as a distraction tactic because you think she may be being harassed by someone else, we would refer you to Stand Up Against Harassment training delivered by the Suzy Lamplugh Trust about bystander intervention. The Suzy Lamplugh Trust focuses on personal safety and the training has been developed to upskill members of the public to help others.

• It may seem like society has moved beyond gender inequality and stereotypes and sexist attitudes towards women, but you’d be surprised how normalised it still is. Ask yourself how the tasks are divided in your home – is it fair or are women carrying more of the household and caring tasks? Can you think of ways to change this?

Why it takes all men to make a difference

If you see or hear something out of order happen while out or at work, or hear a friend make a dodgy comment, do you feel confident to call it out?

We do need to take care that when we respond to disrespectful/harmful behaviours it is safe for everyone involved.

Our ‘What men can do’ leaflet is also a good place to start - you can download it here.

Here are some ideas if you find yourself in that situation:

·       Don’t feel pressured to laugh along to sexist conversations or ’banter’.

·       Change the subject.

·       Find an opportunity to talk about it with the person away from other people.

·       Walk away, don’t engage with the inappropriate comments or conversation.

·       Get used to saying “that’s not okay” when you hear sexist jokes from friends, family and colleagues.

·       Ask curious questions like what do you mean by that? What makes you think that?

Concerned about your own behaviour?

The way you behave is a choice, and you can choose to stop. The Respect phone line

0808 8024040 is a free, non-judgmental helpline if you are concerned about your own behaviour.

Remember

Becoming a better ally means committing to continually learning more about the issue and reflecting on your own behaviours and privilege. There may be uncomfortable moments reflecting on past events and situations where you no longer excuse your own or someone else’s behaviour. This is ok, what’s important is your commitment to learning and adapting from here on out.

Other ways to take action

Use Social Media

Follow our social media accounts all year round to get campaign updates, information within the sector, and calls to action. We welcome opinion pieces, blogs and articles about the need for men to publicly stand against violence towards women, and to challenge their own behaviour and attitudes, along with that of their peers. Let us know if you write something our followers might benefit from by tagging us.

Follow #WhiteRibbonDay #MakeThePromise and #NoExcuseForAbuse post about your activities and comment on others.

Start a fundraising campaign

The important work we to in our mission to end men’s violence against women is made possible by the generous donations and fundraising efforts from volunteers across the country. We have information and awareness-raising materials available to help make your fundraising campaign a success, and lots of ideas for what you can do.

Set up a stall

Having a White Ribbon stall or stand at an event or at popular locations is a very effective way of raising awareness and asking men to take responsibility in ending men’s violence against women, and can be a place where people who are experiencing violence are able to find out where they can get support.

Wherever you choose to raise awareness - schools, sports clubs, shopping centres etc. - we have lots of advice and awareness-raising materials available to help you make your stand a success.