Valentine’s Day: Why we need to talk to young people about consent before romantic relationships take shape
This Valentine’s Day, we’re focusing on the crucial role adult role models play in shaping how young people understand relationships. If we want children and teens to form healthy romantic relationships in the future, conversations about what boundaries and consent mean need to start long before romance enters the picture.
Waiting until relationship and sex education lessons in school or until issues arise is too late, we need to be proactive about this topic, rather than being reactive and the earlier these conversations are embedded, the better.
Adults can talk to young people about consent and how it can translate beyond just romantic relationships in small, age-appropriate ways. We can help children and teens understand consent by giving examples at different levels, which demonstrate that consent is active, not passive. The examples below are intended to show that, from the earliest stages, consent is about recognising what feels, looks and is healthy in all types of relationships.
Younger children: “How do you know someone wants to play a game with you?”
Answers could include: looking for smiles, joining in, saying yes, choosing the game together.
Older children and teens: “How do you check in with your friends to see if they want to play an online game or chat?”
Answers could include: asking first, noticing their tone or response, being okay and accepting if they’re not interested.
Romantic relationships: “How does your partner let you know they want to do something with you?”
Answers could include: asking clearly rather than assuming, waiting for a clear 'yes' before moving forward, making sure you're both comfortable and happy, respecting if someone says no or changes their mind, both are equally excited"
It's important to make clear during these conversations that enthusiastic consent is the standard; demonstrated by words, body language and eye contact. Consent can only be present when both people have the same autonomy, meaning that their thoughts and feelings carry the same value when making a decision.
Healthy relationships are built on communication, respect, and freedom of choice. Adults need to help young people recognise early on that if one person always decides what happens, constantly checks up on the other, or uses guilt or pressure, that these are unhealthy dynamics. Teaching this long before romantic relationships begin is critical.
With the rise of social media and online influencers, especially those promoting harmful ideas about masculinity and relationship dynamics, young people are exposed to messages about romantic relationships at increasingly younger ages. Adults have an opportunity to guide them and help them spot healthy patterns, before they’re influenced by harmful online content or unhealthy patterns take place.
Any adult who acts as a role model for young people, whether that’s through coaching a sports team, being a sibling or a parent or carer, has a responsibility to model behavior that promotes kindness, empathy, clear boundaries, and open communication. Words alone aren’t enough, as children learn most from the examples adults set.
This Valentine’s Day, and all year round, let’s make it the norm to have conversations about respect, consent, and healthy relationships. It’s up to us, as adults, to start these conversations early.
If you’re looking to further your understanding on this topic, White Ribbon UK offers a range of courses for organisations, including tailored training for those working with young people. Participants leave with practical tools they can apply in everyday situations. To find out more about the training we offer, please email training@whiteribbon.org.uk.